I’ll be honest – things feel pretty grey right now. Despite the misery and the madness, there are the odd pops of colour and the little laughs which seem to save me from drowning in a pool of dismay. It’s the magic moments which lift me steadily back to the surface… colour can be found amidst the monotone.
If it wasn’t for my husband and my kids, I’m not sure how I’d be fettling right about now. It’s all too much, too little and too late…
I’m trying my hardest – I’m determined to keep up the fight and to do my very best during these tricky and tough times. It ain’t easy though; the constant worry of the phone ringing, the thought of what may be to come in the future and the blatant slap in the face from reality each and every morning.
If it’s not hard enough getting through each day, it’s even harder getting through each night as I’m finding sleep a real struggle. I’m fed up of feeling permanently tired, it’s mentally and physically draining!
It’s not just the lack of sleep, stress has also affected my appetite. You could offer me cheese, chocolate, and treats galore yet I really wouldn’t be fussed. Stress does wonders for the waistline, although my eating issues are causing me to feel rather cold and whilst the kids are happily space-hopping around the garden wearing next to nothing, I on the other hand, need at least four layers before I can perch on the picnic bench.
There has been the odd day or two where things have felt a little easier, then the phone has rung and suddenly I’m rushing away in the car and it starts all over again. I feel as if I am forever on the phone, checking my phone or looking at the phone and hoping for the best… it’s not exactly ideal.
Oh what I’d do to kick back and to enjoy a glass of wine or two without worrying but then – what if the phone rings? I can’t even have a drink, I daren’t even soak in a bath for too long just in case I’m caught short and have to run with a head full of shampoo.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind in the slightest being called – even if it’s ten times a day! I just wish that things could be easier for us all… it’s not going to happen and I’m well aware that with time things will only get worse.
These are my new ordinary moments, they aren’t moments I’d have ever wished for but I will be sure to keep my chin held high and will remember to look for the colour amidst the grey.
Thanks for reading. I look forward to catching up with your #TheOrdinaryMoments posts either through your own posts or comments upon this post.