School Run Truths – 40 Facts From The Yard

As a parent to two (both of which attend School) I am a regular partaker of the dreaded School run. Over the years I’ve learnt quite a lot whilst out and about ferrying my little ones back and forth to and from School, it may not be rocket science but here’s a few of my observations.

1. Getting your children ready for School is often like dressing an angry, drunk dinosaur. Be sure to make plenty of time to get your children ready each morning.
2. Actually getting the kids dressed and out of the door can often feel like running a marathon in stilettos impossible!
3. You’ll never be on time, whether your too early or just a little too late, there never quite seems to be a happy medium especially so if you are dropping off or picking up more than one child.
4. Despite being desperate for a few hours to yourself you will be sure to miss your little ones. Try not to clock watch as time will fly and before you know it you’ll be heading back to School to pick up your little ones whilst wondering how exactly you managed to do so little in such a seemingly lengthy amount of time.
5. Coffee, you’ll most certainly want one both before and after the School run. Be sure to have plenty of milk, sugar and biscuits at the ready!
6. It will rain, not necessarily whilst your children are at school but most certainly during the time which you happen to be ferrying them to and from School.
7. Whilst it may rain your children will almost never get wet thanks to their many layers of clothing and those amazing waterproof jackets which you spent far too much money upon yet are most often used as mats to sit upon whilst your kids play outside.
8. Whilst your children quickly seat themselves safe and dry in their comfy car seats you will then continue to battle the elements whilst leant over your little loves as you desperately try to buckle their seat belts, place their belongings into the footwells of the car and generally get everybody and everything else sorted. By the time that you actually park your backside back into the driver’s seat and are ready to rock and roll you will no doubt be soaked to the bone and look much-like a drowned rat.
9. The School run can double as a weight lifting exercise as you will almost certainly become a pack-horse at some point. Children seem to have a habit of throwing random bags, lunch boxes, PE kits, models and god knows what else your way like some crazed game of Buckeroo.
10. You’ll find yourself making small talk with parents in the playground only moments later leaving the conversation part way through as your little one comes bounding towards you. It’s highly unlikely you’ll ever get to finish nor remember said conversation, either way it was a useful time filler to distract from the weather, that and the fact you’re probably ten minutes early again.
11. You’ll no doubt find ‘a pack’ by which I mean a pack of parents with whom you will converse regularly. Whilst it may take some time to identify them as anything other than ‘Rosies Mummy’ or ‘Jims Daddy’ you will eventually make friends which in time will prove useful especially so whilst hanging around at soft play centres or kids parties.
12. Parking will never be close by, especially so should it happen to be raining.
13. You may or most definitely be frowned upon for driving to School. These days it’s all about the ‘walking bus’ or the ‘bike riders’. How dare you pollute the environment by bringing your motor?! Surely you can carry all those bags and two children almost two miles without having to drive?
14. Playground fashion is far from the cat walk, sod looking like a diva it’s all about braving the elements whilst disguising the fact that you couldn’t be bothered straightening your hair that morning nor did you have the time to polish your shoes never-mind your kids shoes for that matter. There are however those ‘Model Mums’ who rock up with their silky, sleek hair wearing pristine clobber with a face full of makeup and quite frankly I’ve decided that they must either have nannies, cleaners or both to make time for that amount of perfection.
15. Despite being desperate to get back home it’s highly likely that your kids will want to stay for a little longer. They may have spent all day with their friends but there’s still time to play for another ten minutes right? Meanwhile you are left to stand holding all their belongings either that or running around with your heart in your mouth as your kids fling themselves from various playground apparatus like suicidal lemmings.
16. Your children will lose their **** by which I mean that they will leave their belongings in classrooms, halls, corridors, the playground or anywhere they fancy really. It should find its way back to the ‘lost property’ eventually should you have labelled said belongings with their name. The chances are though that muggings will once again spend at least thirty minutes or so wandering around the school looking lost whilst picking up random items that your child has deposited during the day.
17. Like most parents you’ll probably want to make the School run a short endeavour but there’s always those moments when a ‘quick teacher chat’ will result in a full-blown conversation regarding little Johnny’s lunchbox or Annie’s anxiety. This will or course eat well into the time that you’d set aside for a quick brew before cracking on with the chores.
18. You will find yourself snooping through a window at some point or other, every parent wishes that they could be a fly on the wall from time to time and what better way to watch your little one from afar than to peer through the windows like some kind of crazed stalker? You will be spotted and most likely feel shamed for your actions but what the heck, your only showing an interest in your child’s education right?
19. You will return to what was once a clean and tidy house with yet more washing to launder, lunch boxes to clean, shoes to shine and pots to scrub. Why did you bother in the first place?
20. You’ll feel as if you spend almost as much time at school as your children, most of which is out in the cold unlike your kids who are warm and cosy in their classrooms as you freeze your assets off waiting for them.
21. The umbrella is pointless, it will blow inside out or it’ll simply get stolen by your little ones or someone else’s little ones that you happen to take pity upon whilst standing in the pouring rain so don’t bother, it’s only something else to carry!
22. There will be that one amazing day when family or friends offer to pick up your little one/s on your behalf. It will feel as if you’ve won the lottery for at least an hour. Never expect for all of their belongings to make their way home however, simply appreciate those extra minutes and make the very best of your time!
23. Don’t bother straightening your hair, by the time that you’ve braved the wind, rain and hail either that or donned a hat thus resulting in ‘hat hair’ there’s very little point in wasting electricity nor time dragging your GHDs through your mop.
24. Much like tissues, sweets in pockets will always come in handy. They often prove to be a fabulous bribery tool for getting children both in and out of School without whining.
25. Carry change and get ready to empty your wallet. Most school yards are also the place for bake sales, boot sales or whatever else the kids fancy wheeling or dealing to raise funds for the School.
26. Discipline should be kept on the down low until your well out of the School gates. Keep your hustling hush-hush until your well away from other parents just to be sure to avoid judgement.
27. Where parents parade gossip will flow. Be sure to steer clear of being part of the yard yatter!
28. Keep the fish fingers at the ready and expect to be asked “Can Julie come for tea tonight” at the drop of a hat. Children seem to have better social lives than adults these days. I swear to god by the time that I’ve scheduled in my kids play dates, after school get togethers and extra curricular activities I barely have time to blink never mind to make plans for myself.
29. There will be times that you suddenly realise you’ve forgotten an important date, time or meeting or School gathering of some sort. This will often come to light as you are mid-school run. Try not to stress, there is no such thing as a perfect parent!
30. To be sure never to forget dates for the diary either carry a small notebook and pen or like most people these days have your phone at the ready.
31. There will be days when your little ones may bring out baking. No matter how bad it may look always try to show an interest and be willing to give it a go! Never mind food poisoning, that’s not a problem right?
32. “Whose jumper is it?” Your going to be asking yourself this a fair few times over the years as your little ones pickup the wrong polo necks or pumps. The school yard also happens to be the place where most parents swap and exchange belongings, either that or lay them across various collection points such as benches.
33. Nits are a nuisance but they are a fact of life, have some shampoo at the ready and be sure to check your cherubs mop every other day. Nit natter will take place in the playground so be sure not to scratch or it might be you that fellow parents suspect!
34. There will be a numpty in shorts no matter what the weather. Don’t look, just pretend that they are a postman and deal with it.
35. Does that guy actually paint for a living or does he just wear paint splattered pants for the hell of it ? Once again don’t look, just ignore it and move on. After all he hasn’t commented on your ‘hat hair’ or the fact that your ten minutes late again.
36. The slide will forever be covered in some kind of sludge, that won’t stop your little one from cruising through the crud in their pale, pink jacket that you’ve just laundered for the fourth time this week. On that note don’t bother buying pale coloured clothing, it will only end up muck-up like every other item of clothing and pair of shoes your little one returns wearing at the end of each day.
37. Nothing will ever take ‘just five minutes’, always be sure to give yourself at least an hour when dealing with anything School related.
38. Everybody has the Friday feeling, it’s not just the kids that are buzzing in the playground it’s the parents too. Usually it’s their mobile phones buzzing but generally the mood is always far better on a Friday.
39. First in the gate last out, at least that’s how it will feel for most parents on most days of the week.
40. It may often feel like ground-hog day, you may even ask yourself whether it is ground-hog day.

So there it is, my list of ’40 School Run Truths’. I’m sure there is plenty more that I could add but I’ll leave it there for now. If you have any other suggestions, thoughts or ideas which you’d like to see on the list then be sure to add a comment below, drop me an email or get in touch via one of the many social media platforms on which I reside.