I woke up with stomach ache this morning already worried about how E’s first day at Nursery will pan out. E on the other hand was still dead to World kicking out the Zzz’s while I slurped at my morning brew and tried to get a bowl of Cornflakes down the hatch. As soon as E was up and about we got ourselves ready and before I knew it, it was time to bundle her up into the car and take her to Nursery.
We arrived slightly early and went inside to explore, E instantly ran off and began joining in with the other children as they played. I stood with the staff and explained that there was banana as E didn’t eat much breakfast and spare clothes in case of an accident both inside of her bag. I then continued to tell them that E is now toilet trained but they will need to be quick on acting once she says “Me Need A Pee” as otherwise the change of clothing will come into action. I even found myself stating the obvious, “She’s dressed in quite a heavy jumper and it may need to be removed if she becomes too hot”… at this point I was handed the emergency contact documentation to check for any errors. I think they gave me the paperwork most probably to shut me up as I was quite obviously a dithering wreck, to be fair it was a good distraction and once I had read through it all I noticed that E was in the thick of it, She hadn’t so much as glanced back in my direction and it was then that I was shown the door. I tried to say “Goodbye” to E but she didn’t seem to notice, it was probably for the best and so I left feeling slightly odd without a little hand to hold.
It was only once I had got back to the car and had located my Vape for some comfort that I realised I had forgotten to mention that E was carrying her beloved Ninny Bunny. I wanted to be sure that her beloved bunny doesn’t get lost and wondered if it should perhaps be put back into her bag. I was almost tempted to nip back in and let them know but realised they may well think I am a nutter worrying about such trivialities. The thing of it is, all these ‘little details’ mean so much to me because I have been the soul carer for our daughter for almost three years now and it isn’t easy handing over the reigns to somebody else, anybody else for that matter.
I got home, popped the radio on for some company and had a quick tidy round. It feels really odd sitting here just the dog and I looking at the clock wondering what E is up to. I have a few bits and bobs to be getting on with but I just don’t feel able to fully concentrate on any particular thing as my mind is elsewhere, at the Nursery to be precise.
For those of you that have ‘been there, done it and worn the t-shirt’ I salute you, its blumming hard letting go of your little ones, even if it is only for two hours. Somebody once told me that having children is like taking your heart and allowing it to walk outside of your body, I think it’s fair to say that they had they were pretty accurate in identifying the emotions involved when watching your children grow from babies into ‘little people’.