The A-Z of Parenthood (Five Years Later) – The Preteen Edition

Having spent the past twenty-four hours moving my website from one host to another I was forced to check back upon a few of my past posts to ensure that everything still worked and that the transfer had been successful. Whilst doing this, I couldn’t help but indulge in a little nostalgia by reading some of my earlier, much less-refined, waffly but rather amusing blog posts from the past, one of which I felt I ought to update.

It’s been five years since I first wrote ‘The A-Z of Parenthood – The Toddler Years Edition‘ and so much has changed since then. The kids are both older and with that we, as parents, face new challenges and so here is ‘The A-Z of Parenthood – The Preteen Edition’

A is for answering back –  that’s right kids seem to have an answer for everything and it’s usually given right after you’ve finished saying your piece.

B is for busted! – not the band but the act of getting caught out. Catching your kids in the act of various banned, forbidden, or unfathomable activities seems to be part and parcel of parenting.

C is for clothes which is something that you’ll be washing plenty of, folding plenty of and of course buying endless amounts of. Kids seem to outgrow their clothes at light speed, don’t even get me started on shoes… My kids have more clothes and shoes than both my husband and I put together.

D is for a diary which is something that you will need in order to keep up with your kid’s busy schedules. Kids these days seem to have better social schedules than celebrities what with the various after-school activities, clubs, appointments, birthdays, parties, and get-togethers with their friends, you are no longer just a parent – you are now a  PA!

E is for exams, whether it be SATS, CATS, or even GCSEs, your kids will be facing various assessments over the next few years and it’s down to you (with the help of their teachers of course) to get them through the stress of studying for these.

F is for ‘the F word’ which you will no doubt utter under your breath at various points throughout most days of the week, and at some point, this clanger will no doubt drop from your angelic little one’s mouth. I wonder where it could have come from… surely you’ve never said that word in front of your beautiful babies?! I blame the grandparents…

G is for ‘Google it’ because sometimes you just haven’t got the time, the energy, or the knowledge base required to explain algebra, sketch scientific bonds, figure out French phrases, or answer whatever other quizzical questions school seems to throw their way.

H is for hormones because OH THE HORMONES! One moment your careless kiddies are all smiles and laughter and the next they’re moody and manipulative little monsters who are hell-bent on getting their own way just BECAUSE.

I is for an internet connection which is an essential akin to air and water when you have school-aged children.

J is for jokes which you seem to be the brunt of now that your child stands two inches taller than you and seems to think he/ she is some sort of superhero as they can reach the cups on the top shelf and you can’t. As kids get older they begin to understand things and when I say ‘things’ I am referring to the ‘ins and outs’ that got them here in the first place. Suddenly the adult humour which you and your partner shared a private giggle at is now understandable to your child, this can make watching sitcoms such as ‘Friends’ suddenly awkward…

K is for ketchup, which will often accompany most meals to disguise various vegetables and will need replacing regularly to ensure that meals are manageable.

L is for laughs which there will be plenty of over the years.

M is for Money as apparently, it does make the World go round, or at least it does in my kid’s eyes!

N is for Netflix, another essential service that I doubt the kids nor us adults would have coped without during the lockdown. Netflix seems to outshine Sky these days and I don’t see it being too long before I can bin off my Sky subscription in favour of streaming services such as the ‘magic N’.

O is for online because everything’s online these days and the kids seem to know more about it than I do!

P is for Prime by which I am referring to Amazon’s amazing ‘next-day-delivery service, without which we’d have had some rather unhappy children over this past year or so. The kids just don’t understand the concept of having to wait for much these days, I blame ‘on demand’ TV but then I too couldn’t be without Prime now…

Q is for questions that kids seem to have endless amounts of and want the answer to at the most inconvenient of times.

R is for Roblox which seems to be THE gaming platform that kids spend most of their time on these days. I’m forever listening to J & E inviting each other to various games via their Roblox accounts, either that or dressing up their characters in virtual clothing which ends up costing me real money…

S is for school, the most influential and important part of a child’s life between the ages of four and sixteen years. It is also the place which you will ferry them to and from each and every weekday for what feels like forever.

T is for technology that you will require various amounts of this in the form of tablets, laptops, computers, phones, and such-like in order to keep your little ones educated and entertained especially during a lockdown…

U is for uniform, a school essential that will set you back at least £300+ per child per year. Your child may well well look smart but your bank balance won’t once they’re kitted out with shirts, skirts, jumpers, cardigans, trousers, shorts, tights, socks, PE shorts, t-shirts, pumps, sports pants, sports socks, a winter coat, a summer coat, trainers, football boots, school shoes and that’s before you’ve even considered schoolbags and pencil cases!

V is for Vimto, which we seem to buy at least a bottle of each week to keep our kids hydrated. If it’s not Vimto, then it’s orange, apple or whatever other cordial will disguise the dastardly taste of water.

W is for weekends which fly by far too quickly, and of course, wine which you will need plenty of in your fridge!

X is for Xray vision that you will wish you have most days in order to keep tabs on your little darlings.

Y is for YouTube which the kids seem to spend endless amounts of time watching and wishing to be part of.

Z is for Zzzzs which thankfully there seems to be more of for everyone as your child gets that bit older.

So there we have it – an up-to-date version of the ‘A-Z of parenthood’. I would love to hear some of your ideas and suggestions for this post so be sure to comment below.