One Of My Worst Nightmares Became A Reality

One of my biggest fears became a reality yesterday, I have always worried about my children’s safety when using the stairs and yesterday my fears became a reality as my little girl took a tumble from the very top to the very bottom of our stairs.

It was early morning following breakfast, E and I were upstairs getting ready for the day. I had piled up the washing basket, the waste paper bin and some pots to bring downstairs to sort and clean as I do each day. We were just as we were about to venture downstairs, I had opened the baby gate ready for us to do our usual ‘counting the steps’ as E sits on her bum and goes down each one. I then remembered that I needed to grab a few toilet rolls to take with me for the downstairs toilet so told E to sit still and to wait a second while I grabbed some toilet rolls from the airing cupboard.

Rather than sitting down on the top step and waiting as instructed, E stood at the top of the stairs and just as I was about to shout “sit down” she fell forwards and began toppling down the stairs.  I dropped everything and ran as fast as I could to her but it was as if the World had gone into slow motion, despite time slowing down I simply couldn’t reach her in time. During the fall E flipped over twice banging her head on the stairs, she had literally fallen the entire staircase and I was screaming as I ran to get to her.

After almost slipping myself whilst hurtling down the stairs to help, I grabbed hold of E and cuddled her tight. My poor little Princess was screaming and crying, I didn’t have a clue as to whether she had any significant injuries but I wanted to hold her until she was calm enough for me to get to a telephone and to call for help. I gave her the once over, checking her arms, legs, neck, back and her head for any cuts, breaks or bruising. All that was physically noticeable was a rather large bump on her forehead which concerned me somewhat, E on the other hand was more concerned that she had left her beloved Bunny ‘Ninny’ at the top of the stairs. I ran to retrieve the rabbit, anything to give her comfort at this horrific moment. Whilst I was shaking like a leaf, sweating profusely and my heart was beating like a drum in my ears, I somehow managed to compose myself whilst ringing the local Doctors for advice.

After a rushed telephone call I bundled E and her beloved Bunny into the car and took her to the Doctors for an emergency appointment. E decided that she wanted to walk from the car to the Doctors surgery, this surprised me and I began to calm slightly as I saw that she wasn’t limping, she somehow seemed fairly normal considering what she had just gone through. I on the other hand was a complete wreck, my nerves were shot and I felt like a terrible parent. Why the hell didn’t I leave the sodding toilet roll and take her down the stairs first? I know that she is fairly confident at going up and down the stairs these days but she is still only two years old, ok nearly three but still how sodding stupid could I be?

We were sent straight in to see the Doctor, he seemed really relaxed about the whole ‘toddler falling down a set of stairs’ malarky. I was seriously expecting him to ring social services and report me for being a negligent parent or something along those lines. The Doctor assured me that me that these things happen everyday and that I should stop beating myself up about it. He checked E over from top to bottom, everything seemed absolutely fine including the rather prominent egg-shaped bruise swelling from E’s forehead. E was full of smiles and seemed to rather enjoy the chance to have a nosey around the Doctors office, it was as if the whole tumbling down a staircase scenario had never happened.

For some reason it was if someone had switched a tap on, I found myself sobbing my heart out and I couldn’t seem to stop as the visions of seeing E tumble down the stairs continued to flash back through my mind. The sound of her hitting the stairs one by the one, the sensation of being unable to stop her from falling and the guilt that I felt for trying to do too much at once and it resulting in E having such an awful accident. I felt hot, sweaty, dizzy and nauseous as the thoughts seemed to constantly replay in my mind. The Doctor was really understanding and whilst he tried to put my mind at ease, I cannot forgive myself for what happened. I am never letting E go down the stairs again without me being directly in front of her, sod the odd jobs which may need doing, I am going to be there each and every stair to be blumming certain that she is safe. I never want to see, hear or feel what I have felt these past twenty-four hours every again.

We have spent today playing with E’s toy kitchen, cuddling up watching Bing Bunny, baking melting moments, colouring pictures, playing with Barbie dolls, rolling and cutting play dough, making sticker collages and generally having as much fun as we can together to help erase the horrific memories from yesterday. E has been absolutely fine in herself, her bruise has actually gone down slightly and whilst I still feel guilty as sin I am so grateful to the gods above or whatever forces there may be for ensuring that E survived her tumble without any significant trauma.