I am incredibly lucky to have two beautiful children, in the words of Buzz Light Year I love them to infinity and beyond. I was blessed with having ‘one of each’ and that is simply lovely jubbly, I have the perfect balance, the perfect age gap and as far as I am concerned, the perfect family.
Surrounded By Bumps & Babies
It seems like I am surrounded by bumps and babies yet I feel nothing, not even the slightest emotion other than relief that I never have to go through all that again. I love our children dearly but two kids are enough for me, one to hold each hand, one of each flavour, one of each types of birth, two polar opposites that I love to the moon and back.
Our family is complete. I no longer wish to have anymore children and have sold and given away all of our baby paraphernalia since having E. Babies are pretty much the last thing on my mind these days, I am happy to enjoy cuddles with other people’s little bundles but I feel no broodiness or yearning to go back there and do it all again.
Getting Your Mojo Back
Despite E now being three-years old, Paul and I have only just started getting our sleep back. Our children may be beautiful, clever and never fail to amaze us but they aren’t particularly great sleepers and Paul and I have found that we have both gained a fair amount of grey hairs over the past seven years. Night times have never really been easy. Getting a full nights sleep was in another life time, if it’s not a toilet trip or a nightmare it’s one of the kids wanting cuddles in the early hours or some other random requirement.
The Reality Check
I couldn’t imagine doing it all again and have been taking the pill religiously since having E to ensure that our perfect 2.4 family stays just as it is, two kids, two adults and one dog. Unbeknown to our family and friends until now I guess we recently had a pregnancy scare and it made us both question our future and consider our options. I stood by my ground and persisted that we were to have no more children, whether it required tablets, surgery or whatever else.
At first my husband was on the same page then later surprised me somewhat by suggesting that we should go ahead with the whole scenario. This really didn’t help matters in my mind and I spent a whole weekend laying awake worrying about how the hell we could or would manage financially, mentally and logistically with three children.
I confided in a close friend, she was amazing and supported me throughout the weekend, I have no idea what I’d of done without her. I have literally been driven to distraction, terrified at what could be, what my family would think and how we could ‘sort the situation out’ without judgement or upset.
Finding The Answers
Thankfully it was a false alarm but there are still questions raised as to what on earth is going on with my cycle and the Rigevidon contraceptive pill, I have completely lost trust in the product and am awaiting a phone call from the GP to discuss alternative options.
We discussed surgery for one or both of us a year or so ago but decided it was too final. Following a weekend of worry and wishing for Aunt Flow to make an appearance I am now completely certain that we are done and want to make some arrangements to make it a final decision.
How can it be that years back I was peeing on sticks desperate to see two lines, longing to be pregnant yet now I am so terrified of seeing those two lines that I am willing to go under the knife? Well, I guess when you have everything you have ever dreamed of you just want to be happy right?
I guess I have answered the big question that every parent asks themselves ‘How do you know when you are done having children?’… you scare yourself stupid, spend endless amounts of hours in a pit of worry and then come out on the other side with all the answers. I now have my answer and I know, this is it, I am happy with ‘one of each’ thank you very much.
When did you know? How did you know? What did you do? Please comment, email or get in touch via social media and give me some guidance folks.