Having children can result in those bad days on a semi-regular basis, when we have to put so much of our energies, emotional and physical, into our children, something has got to give. Let’s face it; our relationships can suffer as a result. And even the tightest of family units can feel the pressure, not just because of children, but because of life in general. But what happens when you and your partner haven’t had a proper conversation for so long, or you’ve felt like passing ships in the night? How can you cope with these issues?
Having a child means both of your lives have changed. This means that if you don’t talk about it now, you never will. Instead of harbouring resentment because you feel that you do more of the work in the house, open up and get the ball rolling. It’s not just about telling them how you feel but listening to their needs. You might be surprised that you don’t agree on the most basic of issues in raising children, such as discipline. And you need to find a way to discuss these issues in a calm manner and avoid doing this in front of the children.
While it sounds contradictory, if you are both feeling like you’re in the eye of the storm, maybe because your child doesn’t sleep, or it just feels like you surviving, sometimes getting away from the situation gives you a renewed sense of perspective. Instead of just going away by yourself, as a couple, give yourselves the opportunity to have some quality time and do things that help you recapture what you used to be like before the children came along. Book a table at your favourite restaurant, or if money is a problem, enjoy time by yourselves away from home.
We need to communicate, but if it has got to the point where there are major problems that aren’t being resolved, professional help may be required. Counsellors could help, or if this doesn’t work, and you need to try a trial separation, you have to make sure that everything is done for the benefit of the children. There are law practices like Quittance Legal Services that can provide mediation especially if it’s come to the point of separation. And even when there are relationship problems, and you’re not able to get back to what you were like before, it’s important not to consider yourself a failure. These things happen, and if we can’t get over these things at home, and our children are taking up too much of our lives to have a proper functioning relationship, this is not a rarity. It happens so much, and we have to remember that many couples have joint custody of the children, and in fact, they have a better relationship with each other now they are living apart.
Relationship problems are not a rare thing, and they can happen to even the tightest of couples, as long as you start to open the communication channels, you can begin to repair the damage.
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