Things feel as if they may be about to change, I can’t say exactly how or why as of yet but I have this feeling within that the World as I know it is about to shift.
I love my life ‘just as it is’ and whilst I want to better myself I don’t wish to sacrifice time with my kids to make any changes. I guess if something is going to change then this might be the case but I’m not entirely sure how I feel about it all.
I currently leave my kids with their Daddy for three evenings and one day each week whilst I go out to work. If I were to work more sociable hours then I would be able to have my evenings and weekends back but would miss out on those precious hours during the day which E is at home following her mornings in Nursery.
I guess come September none of this will matter as E will have started school and our time together will be cut short whether I like it or not.
I am incredibly lucky to have been able to spend almost four years with my little lady watching her grow into a perfect little Princess. I have enjoyed every moment and am saddened to think that this may soon change. However, there are many other aspects to consider which tend to sway me otherwise.
I’ve actually added up the hours that I currently spend with my children from when they wake till when they go to bed minus time spent at School, Nursery or other activities and I’ve worked out that I will only lose around four of these with E but would gain a further thirteen hours with J if I were to take on a new role with different hours which I guess is a huge win.
There is also the whole financial thing to consider which is a no brainer given that I currently earn peanuts. I could possibly earn almost three times as much as I currently earn which would make a massive difference to our family.
Finally there is my self-esteem, it’s taken a fair amount of battering over the past few years with redundancy and other workplace issues. I need to make a fresh start, rebuild my confidence and get myself ‘back on the horse’.
I’m not a great lover of change but feel that now is the time to take a few steps into the unknown and give it a go.
“When you gonna make up your mind
When you gonna love you as much as I do
When you gonna make up your mind
Cause things are gonna change so fast
All the white horses are still in bed
I tell you that I’ll always want you near
You say that things change my dear”
Tori Amos – Winter