Having read all three of the ‘Fifty Shade’s books and watched both of the movies I guess that you could call me a Fifty Shades fan but I’m not sure whether I’d thank you for that tagline.
Don’t get me wrong, there’s no denying Christian Grey ticks a few boxes being filthy rich, having a pilot’s license and taking care of his ladies in the rather extravagant manner that he does. Realistically though if I were ever to meet Christian Grey I know for sure that we simply wouldn’t and couldn’t get along as I cannot be doing with money mad people nor can I cope with being told what to do.
Anyhow it’s not Christian as such that I am interested in, it’s actually the lady of his life that I have a few questions for. Whilst Anastasia Steele may be entirely fictional just say for a moment that she were to be a real life person, I for one would certainly have a few questions to ask her.
Here are just a few of the questions which may have gone through my mind whilst both reading and watching this massively popular, slightly over-rated media sensation.
- How exactly do you walk without a John Wayne swagger? Surely being at it like rabbits for most of the day would leave you mildly uncomfortable?
- Considering Christians history with the majority of his female acquaintances has it ever crossed your mind that perhaps Mrs Jones may well have done more than just clean in the red room?
- It must be lovely being given IPhones, MacBooks and all things Apple orientated but whose account is it all setup upon and how exactly do you get around the security issues given that it’s impossible to set up an Apple account for more than one person per device?
- Have you ever let one go in front of Christian? Surely spending that much active time with someone it’s bound to happen? Come to think of it, is it against his rules? Are you punished perhaps if you let one slip?
- Haven’t you ever fancied a night off? By which I mean simply saying “No” or “Sorry love, I’ve got the soaps to catch up on” or even “Chris I have a headache and feel like shite so can we give it a rest tonight?”
- Have you ever tried role reversal other than with his credit card?
- Chris obviously knows his way around a sex shop but would he be able to find his way around a kitchen?
- Does he do anything in terms of self-care other than pumping iron?
- We all know the way to a mans heart is often through food or drink, Does he ever let loose and pig out on a bag of Doritos or a tub of ice cream?
- Do you think there will ever be a point that you may become bored with the bedroom or quite simply shagged out?
As we all know Anna is a work of fantasy fiction as is her lover and her life. I will therefore never really know the answers to the above questions and in all honesty don’t really care. You see, I live in the real World where men like Christian would either end up on the register, be sent down or live a long, lonely life in some mansion somewhere isolated from reality.