Perfect Playtime Weather Permitting

Perfect Playtime Weather Permitting
As usual for my neck of the woods, it’s pissing it down. I am fairly used to the weather by now after thirty something years of it, but since having kids I have developed an inner hatred towards the rain. It’s bad enough finding ways in which to entertain two hyperactive little shits darlings, never mind having to do your best at being all round entertainer whilst being confined to four walls.

So far we have attempted the Pinterest picture perfect parent thing and made a fresh batch of play dough. The kids played with the warm dough for the whole of ten minutes before becoming bored and looking for their next fix. I then painted E’s face Frozen style as she refuses any other design and it’s what I’m good at able to do without toddler protest. We’ve now resorted to films whilst Paul paints the landing, I’m quite enjoying watching Frozen (yes again) whilst getting high on paint fumes. It dulls the pain of having to watch the same film for the millionth time.

I’m not the type to don the welly boots and do a re-enactment of Peppa Pig (the little mouthy bitch) as I know full well it’d turn out more like a scene from The Vicar of Dibly where she’s neck high in shitty puddles having no fun at all. That and I don’t like getting wet because I’m a slippers and fire kinda girl. That’s right, I live in one of the most beautiful areas in the UK, which people purposely visit to walk about in knee-high socks and waterproof’s whilst carrying walking sticks and getting piss wet through for the fun of it and I’d much rather be tucked up indoors, all warm and cosy. Even the thought of scaling a mountain makes me feel breathless, I’m far better at scaling mountains of food on plates, much more my thing.

Although I was slightly taken aback the other night at work when a rather short, fat and balding man came to order his meal and said “You look like you know your pasties love, which would you recommend I get?”… I look like I know my pasties huh? I think that right there is a hint that it’s time to get back on the diet wagon, even if it was delivered by a man not dissimilar to a large beer barrel. Pots and kettles mate, pots and kettles…

Maybe it is time I considered re-joining Slimming World and embracing the joy of losing weight through starving myself and eating food about as appetising as cardboard. Oh fuck it, there’s a Toffee Crisp in the cupboard and if I don’t eat it the kids will. They would only argue about whose it is anyway, So I may as well save us all the headache… Sacrifice, it’s all about sacrifice and so I sacrifice my waist line for the sake of peace.

Right, on that note E’s decided that Frozen is now boring her (not surprising given she’s watched it almost on repeat since it came out). J has simultaneously found that Lego is no longer doing it for him and so I need to pull my finger out and find something else to keep them occupied. Just great!

It’s not like I have work later too… Oh the joys.

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