Having woken with a full-blown hang over following a night on the lash with the ladies I knew that today may be somewhat challenging. The kids instantly detected my dreary, semi- drunken haze and seemed to purposefully press my buttons just for the crack, hell they even found a few buttons I wasn’t aware I even had!
It got me thinking as to how life changes following popping sprogs. Not just how life itself alters but how your home as you once knew it suddenly changes and becomes ‘the family home’. Here are a few things which have certainly changed in our household since we introduced children into the mix
Ten Household Changes When Living With Kids
- You were once proud to invite friends and family over to your home. You would happily sit in your minimalistic, stylish and tidy living room chatting peacefully over a glass of wine. Said glass of wine could safely be placed onto your clean, organised coffee table along with a few glossy mags and the remote control.
Following having children your coffee table has obviously been removed to prevent your little angel/s from falling over, running into or climbing upon it. Your glasses are now placed somewhere up high, the conversation is staggered as you struggle to finish a sentence without interruptions and as for the remote control it hasn’t been seen for the last week or so.
- Your bathroom was once a place of privacy, you could shut the door and take your time doing your business. These day’s it seems an open door policy has been forced upon you as your little angel/s follows your every move including ‘toilet time’.
- Home appliances suddenly seem ridiculously exciting, whilst you once got all excited by the prospect of spending your pennies on a new wardrobe, these days you’d much rather go all out on a new steam mop, actifry, carpet vax or hoover!
- You could once sneak downstairs knowing where everything was and could happily make it to the fridge without having to flick the light switch. Now you daren’t risk it for a biscuit as crossing your living room is much like crossing a mine field, you may risk serious injuries from lost lego pieces to strategically placed shopkins. Kids have an amazing knack of booby trapping you in your own house!
- Your bed was once precisely that… your bed. These days you find yourself precariously positioned on the edge of the bed in desperate hope of getting some sleep whilst your little one comfortably star fishes in the centre of the bed perfectly positioned as the c*ck block between you and your fella.
- Speaking of genitals, sex will never be the same again well have you ever managed to force a melon through a party ring without making a mess? I’m not actually referring to the physical changes which may/ may not have taken place down there, I am referring to the spontaneity, volume and va-va-voom in the bedroom.Theres certainly no swinging from the lamp shades or leaping from the wardrobes after kids, these days it’s all about the three ‘S’s’ – silence, speed and sleeping because in reality the prospect of grabbing some zzzzs suddenly seems far more thrilling than getting your rocks off.
- BC (before children) dinner time was a quick, easy and calm affair. You’d casually decide what to eat, quickly prepare and cook your meal and then sit down, relax and enjoy your food with only the washing up to worry about. Not anymore! Now you’ve got kids deciding what to eat takes an age and often results in four different meals to be made.
Once you have finally prepared, cooked and lovingly served said meal/s it is highly likely that your children will turn their nose up at your efforts leaving you frustrated and sat with a plate of cold food as you weren’t actually able to eat yourself whilst desperately trying to force feed your fussy kids the meal/s that they swore they’d eat and begged you to cook only an hour before.
- Your television was once used to enjoy watching the soaps, interesting documentaries and the odd film. These days your Sky box is permanently stuck on a random kids channel and with the missing remote control as it’s probably been hidden in a random wooden kitchen or dolls house you’ve now been left high and dry with Peppa Pig.
- You were once able to actually see through your windows, these days you wince at the finger prints, smears and general cack your child has kindly smeared all over the glass. It’s not even worth cleaning as within a day it’ll be back to how it was, you may as well have ordered patterned glass because you can see naff all out of your windows from now on.
- Finally, here’s one for the blokes because quite frankly us women don’t give two hoots about the garage. You guys however, the garage seems to be your domain and it was once neatly organised, it may have even contained a gym, train set or perhaps a prize car as intended. Since having kids your garage is now piled high with bikes, trikes, scooters, battery operated cars, hula hoops and half of the Little Tikes catalogue. You no longer have space to swing a cat in the man cave, it’s officially time to buy a shed!
I Love Them Really!
Don’t get me wrong, I love my children dearly and wouldn’t ever want to be without them. They have changed my life in ways and means that I cannot begin to describe. I am quite happy to sit in my living room surrounded by toys and the general day-to-day chaos that our children provide. I am very happy with my life just as it is but there are times when I think ‘Wow… my life has changed beyond recognition, as has my body, my mind-set and my surroundings!’
How has having kids changed you, your house and your life? Tell me all about it either by commenting upon this post, dropping me an email or getting in touch via social media.